Lance Allred the official website of the Lance Allred who is not the professional Poker player

Boise-

Yes, yes. I have returned to Boise.
And I am happy, very happy to be back.
After wandering aimlessly in a sea of bitterness, with my ego looking for some identity, some collective ego, in which to associate itself, I have now come full circle, back to Boise. And with that, back in Boise, I reserve the right to be happy, and to enjoy Boise; to enjoy stepping on the court and being welcomed; to enjoy being home, my basketball home; to enjoy being able to play for me, nothing else, not for money or acceptance; to play and be happy in Boise, no longer having to feel or believe it a basketball purgatory, which so many of us have been convinced it to be.
No, Boise is my home. And I am proud to be home, and playing close to my family, playing basketball the way I want to play basketball and the way I know how. Money comes, money goes. I have made mistakes with that. But I have learned now. And most importantly, I forgive.
I forgive those who have wronged me. I forgive God and I forgive reality for not being what I or my ego had wanted it to be. And most importantly I forgive myself.
Forgiveness, I have learned, is the most powerful emotion. It does not have to mean you absolve or excuse others of their wrongs, but it does mean that you free yourself, it does mean that you no longer have to find your identity in the pain and bitterness that you harbor, towards whatever that has caused you pain. It means that you can free yourself from your ego. And my ego is vicious.

This last month alone, I have gone places in my mind, quiet places, that I never knew existed. I barely recognize myself anymore when I look in a mirror. At some point I decided whatever feeling of tension, anxiety or conflict that was stirring up within me, had a cause, had a root, triggered by a person or an event.
And when I feel something other than peace, I ask what is causing it, and if it is not a direct person, or if it is a choice I made, I then allow me to forgive myself, and then say “oh well, it is, what it is.”
If reality is not what I wish for it to be, I accept it, and forgive it and then accept fully it and then love it.
As well, I forgive God for not making sense. And when there is nothing but forgiveness, there are no merit badges of pain and hurt and sorrow defining me anymore, and therefore the brain and ego go very still. I am empathetic to other people and there problems, but I am not sympathetic, because I am not sympathetic to myself, because at the end of the day, the people that hurt me, will never validate me, so why give them any more? (Natural disasters, like Haiti, currently, are a whole other issue, and that I ache for. I pray for them.)
Instead I can forgive them, those who have done wrong, and not even care if that means they are absolved for their actions or their own karma. This then allows me, and my own- to be my own.
I just say, “oh well,” and shrug, and then say, “I forgive you.” To me, this is maybe the greatest precursor to gratitude, which some say is the most powerful emotion. But to me, you cannot have gratitude without forgiveness; especially forgiveness of my own self and the choices I made. ‘Oh well, I forgive you.’ Now what is next?
I can forgive now, for truly one’s actions towards me are only a manifestation of what is stewing inside of them and if they be of ill will, it only means they have conflict within that forces conflict without and thus it is not about me, but about them. Nothing is ever truly what it seems.
And so, I can forgive, and I forgive out loud, with names being spoken, every time I feel the angst or anger rising, so much so now, that I don’t think of them anymore, nor do I care what dues they receive, if at all. For in my reality, I am nothing, yet anything and everything all at once, and I forgive my reality at times for what it is, and I accept it and therefore can love it.

And thus, I am free.